My Dash is slow.
my dash isn’t
Everyday is a constant struggle of “should I talk to you” or “do I want to cry myself to sleep”.
so i’m watching some idiot show on syfy about nerd weddings
and there’s this woman going on about how she wants a GoT themed wedding
and i’m just like
are you sure
are you really sure about that
I was at the mall today and overheard this dude talking to two lesbian chicks. I hear him ask, “So which one of you is the guy in your relationship?” And the one girl looks into her pants and says, “It’s not me. How bout you? Are you hiding a dick in there?” Then her girlfriend looks in her pants and says, “Nope, I’m not.” Then the first chick looks at the dude and says, “Hmmm, guess that’s why we are lesbians.” And then I lost my shit.
"im on a diet" i whisper as i order 3 pizzas, 25 burgers and 7 dead corpses
one of these is not like the others
yeah who the hell only orders 3 measly pizzas smh
characters that go from villain to awkward friend are so important
today at work someone tipped me a potato
in some countries that is a marriage proposal
Even the potato looks confused
Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.
WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!